Big hiatus for a big life switch up and big feelings
(It’s hard to write and grow a human simultaneously) (Subsequently, hard to dress)
Cutting to the chase of the matter at hand: being pregnant. I set out at the dawn of the new year hoping to make this stack both an outlet, and a new branch on the ever-growing career tree. I also was aware that we would be taking a large leap from happily being DINKs, to uncharted lands of hopeful parenthood. Which I’ll add - happened rather fast…a feat of miracles, yet low key distressing. To possess the naivety I was living in during those first moments of 2024 would, frankly, be a luxury.
Skipping over the debilitating morning (all day) sickness, and other growing pains of, well, growing - something I was not expecting nor prepared to face was the sheer lack of motivation beyond simply existing day after day. There was a five week stretch wherein I did not leave the same corner of the sofa, except to go to bed at 8pm on the dot. And while I’m still going to bed at such a geriatric hour, it’s at least by choice and not out of sheer necessity. I’ve also been heeding my own advice via my Dry January post.
I’ve made a long-winded way of saying that this post was the last bullet on an expansive list of tasks, wants, and needs. Timing is finally on my side and I have a will to do things other than speedball vitamin B6 and Unisom. The biggest learning I have pulled from this experience is that motherhood doesn’t start only when you first hold your child; shockingly, it consumes you nine months prior. I will be the first person in line with my hand thrusted high into the stratosphere to say I never dreamt of motherhood, nor did I ever feel a strong desire to have children — and that’s okay. I only knew I’d be remiss if we didn’t try. We’re extremely lucky that this is our new reality, and it’s not lost on us.
So while I am still mourning my life as it was, this new bud on a branch in my tree is a welcome change, and I’m holding space for two truths.
Alas, it’s inexplicably taxing (mentally, emotionally, physically???) to get dressed. Accessories are my shining north star. More on that later.
Until next time (on a regular cadence.)